December 2013 Newsletter

December 2013 Newsletter by Amy HoYin Wong

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Inadequacy: my reflections

I have a confession to make… I often feel inadequate. In ministry and in life, sometimes the thoughts “am I good enough” and “if what I am doing makes a difference” haunts me. It’s not something I always show, but sometimes in moments of doubt I wonder if this is something I am to do with my life? Recently, I’ve asked this question repeatedly as we’ve been in the process of pioneering an outreach for ladies in the sex industry. Although I know God's been clear with my calling to serve with Street LIFE Ministries, I find myself questioning if I’m the right person for it all.

Sometimes on the streets, I encounter people with situations beyond my ability to help.  Take Jane for example, she's new to NYC and had left an abusive boyfriend in another state. We talked for hours and I did my best to connect her with resources, but in the end because she had a dog, we were not able to do much. I saw Jane the next day and she was in the same place we left her, this time her countenance much worse, talking in front of me to men passing by, as if there was some “transactions” going on. Even though I referred her to some agencies, there was nothing I could do or say to help her.

Then there’s Donna, whom I have known for years and most days when I see her, she’s either been abused by her “husband” the night before or drunk. Donna’s been homeless for over 20 years and she continues to live her life on the streets. My conversations with her (when she is coherent) often consists of letting her know how much we love her and affirming her. Sometimes she gets upset when I say it, but in the end, we hug and laugh about it. She calls me “her China daughter.”  Yet when I am with Donna, I feel so inadequate. What can I do or say to help you? What will it take to breakthrough? Or my biggest fear for her, what if she dies, never overcoming her addiction? A story I am too familiar with, as I’ve known many through the years that have.

Honestly, I don’t have the answers but the other day when spending some time with God; I stumbled upon this Bible verse:

“Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” 2 Cor 3:5-6

Paul said it with such simplicity, it’s not anything that comes from ourselves, but God who made us adequate to be servants of a new covenant. A covenant of peace, life, hope and freedom, that Christ died to take the place of my sins and took the suffering of man on the cross. It’s about His Spirit living inside of me and letting it give Life to others around me. It’s about serving and knowing He has qualified us to serve. In the end, it’s about God and not anything coming from what I can do. I am made adequate, not in my abilities to pray, serve or share the Gospel, but in Him.

I made a commitment six years ago to be where God wants me to be and today, although feelings come and go, I know that as long as I’m willing, He will provide the strength, grace and adequacy I need to continue on. Although I don’t always have the answers or the right words to say, ministry isn’t about that. So I conclude this with a challenge to myself and others… am I willing to change my thinking? To know it’s not about what I can do (or don’t do) but about what He has done to make me adequate? I want to be found in Him and be led by His Spirit even if it puts me in uncomfortable, “out of my control” situations. I know that it’s in that place that I will find the freedom from His Spirit to give life to others. I want to bring His Life and trust that He has made me adequate to do all that He has in store.

Thanks again for reading this update and your prayers & financial support through the years. I cannot begin to express how grateful I am to each of you and to God.